There
is one restaurant that I have always instinctively
disliked. I watched it grow from a scruffy cellar
into the ultimate folly dedicated to bad taste.
The original boast was that not only did it cost
more than any other restaurant to build, but also
it was the most expensive. This marketing ploy did
not last for long. |
The other day I took my life in both
hands and took the Goat to Nautilus (V. Váci
utca 72. Tel: 138.4830). I nearly got a refusal when
the automatic mirrored door slid open to reveal the
entrance lobby dominated by ponds, brass and plastic
greenery. However I won by explaining that the decor
maybe kitsch in the extreme, but the food could be
quite good. Down the stairs we were greeted by a surely
waiter who ushered us to a table in the middle of
the edifice. We were on the lower floor below the
upper floor that is created by a meccano type structure
with lots of gilt and a glass walkway between the
two upper sections. This walkway would be useful for
lower floor diners to find out what a Scotsman wears
under his kilt!
The lower floor is dominated by a large rubber octopus.
There are also several portholes featuring tropical
fish. Two of these spent their life, during our visit,
starring at each other and chewing gum. One must suppose
that they had spent a long time living in Hungary
studying the customers at Nautilus. There were several
areas of running water and then all that greenery.
Unfortunately plastic plants may last longer but eventually
they need cleaning, especially if there is much cigarette
smoke about. These plants were clearly suffering the
effects of secondary smoking. I had a real problem
stopping the Goat chomping the whole lot down to the
ground. However the continually playing of a Richard
Clayderman tapes was slightly more aggravating than
the unwashed flowers and gave her something else to
bitch about.
The surely waiter was swift enough in asking what
we wanted to drink. I asked for wine as was informed
they had chardonnay. A list; I suggested might be
helpful. There was none I was informed. When I demanded
the name of the wine maker the bottle was produced.
A very ordinary Ngyredi was priced at Ft.1600: take
or leave it. I growled an acceptance, muttering things
about places and that they think they are a smart
restaurant and do not even have a wine list. However
the matter did not end there because the Goat, in
a foray into the plastic undergrowth, retrieved what
was most definitely a 'wine list.' This was about
the time that bill, which included two bottles of
wine at Ft.1600, was delivered. The head waiter, who
had suddenly realised that I had the wine list in
my hand, was not looking pleased because he was aware
that on the list most Hungarian wines were priced
at Ft.800. When I wanted to discuss the matter with
him, he declined saying that we had had different
wines. The white was on the list at Ft.800, however
the red was not. If I had wanted to argue the case
the head waiter was prepare to ask the director to
step my way. I had already seen an apparition in flowing
black robes and a designer shave and was confident
that a discussion would not have helped. I had after
all accepted the Ft.1600 price. In any event I am
just a stupid kulfoldi who should know better than
to enter a restaurant, in Budapest, with $100,000
worth of motor outside: Even if it was clearly not
paid for by this operation!
Now the most stupid thing about the issue with the
wine is that the food was actually good and the menu
which majors in fish reasonably interesting. The Goat
had a shrimp cocktail which was wonderfully presented
in a giant cut down brandy balloon. An enormous garnish
was certainly too much for most humans, let alone
a goat suffering from the effects of the plastic flowers.
The shame was that once again, in this town, the prawns
were the warm water variety, even if they were of
the larger size. I had what was strangely described
as butter paste with shrimp and fresh ragout. It a
vol-au vent filled with a fish mixture and was pretty
good.
For mains the assorted sea fish was a fish kebab with
a reasonable selection including calamari and salmon.
I had Tournedos with goose liver and brandy sauce.
The sauce was not very exciting, which was hardly
surprising because I noted that in the menu they offered
a choice of 18 different sauces and keeping all those
up to date and fresh must be a chef's nightmare.
The vegetables were very good with carrots, broccoli,
courgettes and stuffed tomatoes being scattered freely
on the plates, in fact so much so that the plates
looked over full. But at least the veg. were al dente
and thus worth eating. The Goat had a final course
of flaming fruit on a sword. This was a simple and
good idea of pouring boiling spirit over fresh fruit
and set it alight, having first sprinkled icing sugar
over it.
The bill, when it was presented, by the slightly over
pompous head waiter was for Ft10,100 including 15%
service.
I suppose that I shall go back to Nautilus since it
has the advantage of being a wonderful demonstration
of a great deal that is wrong with Hungary today.
The core is good, but the bits around it are artificial,
incompetent and/or dishonest.
C YA |
