The place is dominated by Fat cat bordello owners with ostentatious German motor cars, fat German beer sellers and above all else fat spiders, gorging themselves on the plague of mosquitoes which the Hungarian tourist industry has encouraged by it’s refusal to spray the lake for the last couple of years. I do not know how this decision was made, but I do know that that whoever made it should be receiving fortunes from the Greek and the Spanish tourist boards.

I have just returned from three days circumnavigation of Balaton and have as usual had a fun three days. The rules of survival in the Balaton are taking plenty of mosquito repellent, do not expect any sophistication and above all else do not take a herbivore. Bearing these points in mind there is a good, if rather plebeian, seaside atmosphere. The northern shore of the lake has a few almost civilised towns. Balatonfured is the centre of tourism on this shore at this time.

I stayed at the Thetis Hotel, (Vorosmarty u. 7. Tel/Fax (86) 341.606, 341.506, 342.015) which is a new hotel with reasonable standard rooms. The Green Pansio (Huray u. 4 Tel: (86) 341.701) is another modern, centrally located hotel. The Flamingo Hotel ( Szechenyi u. 18. Tel (87) 343.392) was new and is located on the lake shore with its own private beach. This makes it the first post '89 beach side hotel in Fured and I am sure it will become popular in season. The price for double rooms in the high season, until the end of August, is Dm. 104. Try and get a room on the south side (odd numbers) they have balconies. Balatonfured is an old spa town and in its day must have been a graceful spot, now amongst the tack there is still a faded elegance particularly around Blaha luisa tér where the latest Fregatt Pub lurks at number 9. The dining options are pretty well nil if you are a vegetarian, and needless to say it was one of this breed that I was escorting, without him there were several half reasonable eateries, in particular the two csardas overlooking the lake provide pleasant spots. The pick is the Hórdo Csarda (Bariscka dulo. Tel (86) 343.417.

After the sun goes down there are several late night spots, mainly discos which vary in their suitability. I always enjoy the Wagner Disco (Zákony Ferenc u. 2), however the more motivated may prefer the Galleria next door, but avoid unsettling the natives. The Fregatt is also a good late night drinking spot, and the Flamingo Disco (Honvéd u. 3) is a disco with a separate bar where the attire, or lack off it, of the locals can be appreciated. Just up the road is Tihany which is giant peninsular that nearly splits the lake into two. The centre of Tihany is an attractive village that unfortunately has a reputation for being exactly that, and as a result is swamped with busloads seeking cultural enlightenment. Thus tourist kitsch dominates.

The Erica hotel (Batthány u. 8. Tel; (86) 348.646) is one of the best small hotels on the lake, although it has no direct view of Balaton. Just down the road is the splendid building containing the Park Hotel (Furdotelpi u. 1 Tel; (86) 48.611). The main part of the hotel is a splendid baronial hall which has a great view out over the lake. Most of the room facing the front are well worth while; however the lesser rooms in the main building are run down and are not very good. However the worst is the sixties block of rooms fifty yards from this graceful residence.

The next day we headed for Badacsony via the volcanic hills that run along this side of the lake. The lake road is a ghastly road that judders from concrete resort to concrete resort. Back in the hills the roads are quite and pass through attractive countryside and pretty small villages. A great contrast from the ugly lake shore. Up in these hills the herbivore suddenly spotted a sign to an Ostrich farm. At Kovagoors we finally found the farm and I wandered in wondering if this was the place they bred future members of the Hungarian tourist board.

Badacsony is a small resort dominated by a volcano which rushes to a peak close to the lake shore. Badacsony, a well known wine producing town, is a more upmarket resort which is devoid (I think) of topless bars. The pleasant back street (Római út) contains a mixture of pensions and wine cellars and wines around the hill above the main road. Attractive gardens and a tiny church add to it's charm. The Kisfaldy Haz etterem (Szegedy Rózsa u. 87. Tel: (87).331.016) has a glorious view from it's perch half way up the volcano. A jeep service runs up the hill from the centre of the town, or the more adventurous may drive and the entirely stupid can walk! Having reached this wonderful erie it is a pity about the awful organ music and if only the food was half the standard of the view. Having filled the boot (trunk) of the car up with Badacsony Riesling we continued onwards to Keszthely.

Keszthely is just about the only real town on the lake. The former seat of the benevolent Festetics family, who dominated the area owning many houses and estates, the town still has many left over from that era. The most prominent is the family pad which contains all kinds of cultural goodies and is surrounded by a wonderful garden. The Bachus hotel (Erzsébet Királyné utca 18. (83).314.096) is one of the better small hotels in Hungary which at this time of the year is charging Dm.99 for a double room. This is a well located hotel half way between the concrete beach (Strand) and the centre of the town. The pedestrianised part of the town centre (Kossuth u.) is full of bars and eateries. However with the Herbivore in tow there was little that appealed to his limited tastes. So we wandered further up Kossuth u. until we found the Donatello Pizeria (Balaton u. 1. (83) 315.989). This is a new operation and the interior is modern and Balaton standards tasteful, however we sat in the attractive walled garden at the rear. A small fish pond and a low herbaceous garden are the features, which reduced the number of tables but vastly improved the ambiance for the rest. The mosquitoes which were being regularly fried in the insect killers were kept at bay by copious quantities of repellent. I had shrimps in garlic as a starter, and then pasta and pizza. We all agreed that the food was reasonable and the service excellent. When we finally concluded the meal after two hours, four courses and three plus bottles of wine the bill was less than five thousand forints for three.

The final day we headed down the south shore of the lake which has little appeal in its universal ordinariness of concrete and low rise blocks. We pulled off into Balatonlelle which is a typical Balaton resort with a centre containing a couple of out of date hotels and a few shops. Lelle is better than most and contains the Napsugár Hotel (Napsugár u. 8. tel. (85) 350.013) with small chalets, as well as rooms, and a garden that runs down to the grassy beach. The Ipsylon (Y) disco is one of the major attractions in the area after dark.

Siofok is sometimes called the capital of tourism in Balaton, and certainly this large resort epitomises every thing that is awful about the lake. The lake shore is dominated by sixties high rise blocks, the strip beside the lake (Petofi Setany) is the summer haven of the worst vendors of the tackiest goods and under every bright light, during the night, a host of mosquitoes craved for flesh. The Janus hotel (Fô u. 93. Tel: (84) 312. 546) is good new hotel on the main street, rather than near the lake, where a double room is about Dm.110 at the moment. There are however a host of small pensions around the strip. And as a final sign that concrete nasty hotels are failing the Balaton hotel, one of the four worst hotels on the strip, was offering cheap accommodation at Ft.4,900 for a single and ft.6,000 for a twin (they said double but with toe to toe small singles there is little chance of double occupation of a single bed). This represents a nearly 50% discount on previous years Dm prices.

Upon arrival I escaped from the Herbivore and trundled to one of my favourite restaurants. The Diana Restaurant (Szent László u. 41. Tel: (84) 313.630) has a wonderful terrace, that extends from this first class small hotel, in a quiet residential area. It is here that I ate Fogash. So I indulged myself in some plainly grilled fogash, enjoyed some local Riesling and watched the birds and bees float around the nearby gardens. This is the best of Siofok, and some of the old areas have some wonderful summer houses that at the turn of the century would have been anybodies pride and joy.

When I first started writing in Hungary, I used to rate Siofok as a good party town. Naff maybe, but fun also. I know many lonely consultants took my advice and enjoyed the odd night in Naffville. Last year I despaired because one disco the Flort had been extended and turned into a vast temple to techno culture, with thundering beat, lightening strobes and arching lasers. Thus a town that once had dozens of small bars and late night haunts was reduced to a single source of decadence. However this year a few new places have arrived, and even a few places previously closed had re-opened. I was particularly struck with the new Roxy Brasserie in the central Szabasag Tér. Finally somewhere that was almost civilised.

So Siofok may once again become a good spot for the lads to escape for a Saturday night on the tiles.

C YA